Bizarre happenings

Recently, I had a very interesting conversation.

My uncle has horribly high diabetes. Apart from not being able to enjoy the many, many sweet things provided and made for people to enjoy, he has to consume, on a daily basis, a whole arsenal of pills and tablets in an entertaining variety of shapes, sizes and colours (just pronouncing their names had earlier kept me occupied for a good half hour) which he keeps in one of those plastic containers, subdivided into seven boxes: S M T W T F S

Also, he recently arrived from the US (it is significant).

We were having an entertaining conversation (about probability in game shows; great stuff, I'll talk about it some time) post-lunch when he suddenly breaks off and takes out a mini-carnival of pills from the box marked F.

Me: Friday?

Uncle: Yeah..um wait. What day is it? (No, I can assure you that he wasn't stoned; alcohol isn't good for his level of diabetes)

Me: Saturday

Uncle: Then why is my Friday bunch [of pills] still here. This is very weird.

I had my medicines yesterday, so did I take the Thursday dose then?

(we sit pondering what all this could mean)

Uncle: Ah. I think I understand. You see, while flying here, I technically skipped a day.

That was a really freaky thought: even though he had his proper dosage according to the 24-hour prescription, he had skipped a day while coming to India, which could have completely screwed up his dose; any fluctuations in the insulin level and he could be on a hospital bed.

So he was just plain lucky. There was, however, just one more problem:

The Saturday box was empty.

....seen not heard: A lesson in Tact

In a splendid display of tactful brilliance, the Chinese government managed the seemingly difficult job of hammering yet another nail into the already cramped coffin (which is slowly starting to resemble an iron maiden) of it's public image, and simultaneously stripping the Grand Olympic Opening Ceremony of a large portion of worldwide admiration.

At the climaxing moment of the opening ceremony, just as the Chinese flag was being brought onto the field, 9-year old Lin Miaoke was flown around the stadium (on the wires used for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) and with perfect timing began singing "Ode to the Motherland" into the little mike clipped on to her in the way only a cute little child could.

There was just one tiny little issue: she wasn't singing. It turned out that she was lip-syncing to a previously recorded version of the song, sung by 7-year old Yang Peiyi.

I know what you're thinking: why would the government make one child sing the song, and the other one lip sync it?

The answer is fairly obvious(if you were a member of the Chinese politburo; then again if you were, you'd probably have more important things to do than read this).

Yang Peiyi sung beautifully, but had crooked teeth, so her smile wasn't perfect. Which cut down on the cuteness factor. Lin Miaoke, on the other hand, was the perfect Cute Chinese Girl, but she couldn't sing very well.

So, in a move that is being called China's most idiotic image-devastating act, they had Lin lip sync Yang's singing.

What's that you say? Why couldn't Yang still sing, as her pictures show she is still pretty cute? Why did the government enact such a shallow, puerile and obviously foolhardy move? Why were they calling the switch a "matter of national interest" instead of all the other issue which deserve that tag? What the FUCK were they thinking? Are you making this up, because it honestly sounds so ridiculous and seems hardly possible that a whole government can screw up like this?

I cannot answer any of those questions except the last one: anyone doubting this can check it out(among other places) here, here and here.

I rest my case.

And we begin, with a funeral

Due to unfortunate timing, the release of the first post coincided with me getting some of my results (1st comprehensive examinations; school truly sucks). As some of the more astute readers may have deduced from the somewhat fatalistic tone of this post, I did not perform spectacularly well. Needless to say, I missed my father's target (and mind you, this is just in Maths) of minimum 90% by a hair; a 16.6% wide hair.

Maths, English, Economics, Sociology and EVE (i.e. 5 out of my 6 subjects): all exams in which I complacently assumed I would do well enough to sail through my father's expectations, which might or might not be high . Here, I must vehemently add that I am not (intentionally) belittling my father; nor am I implying that he can get tyrannical when I bring back a bad report card. No, I am merely saying that he is somewhat more active than my other relations in the matter of....... persuading me towards certain goals using certain methods all for my own benefit.

I picture his reaction, once I reveal the Shockers to him, to be somewhat like this:

For those who couldn't guess, that will be me on the right.

If I do survive the whirlwind of terror, you shall hear the reports of it from miles away.